Curiouser & Curiouser
by Little Patch of Heaven
Summary: .De-anon from Kink Meme. To a stubborn and lost little girl, the Cat once said, "We're all mad here." And oh, how true that was. OC Wonderland. Oneshot.


_De-anon from Kink Meme; request was any OC nation from fantasy/sci-fi books._

* * *

><p>It is Head Cutting Day again.<p>

He is told so by The Cat.

(That's it's real name: just The Cat, nothing more, nothing less. But, "_Cheshire Cat_," **She** called it and "_How does a cat smile?_" **She** asked; Cheshire is a sort of funny name - like '_Alice_' - but it does have a nice little ring to it and it just sticks somehow. But He still calls it 'Cat.' Force of habit, He supposes.)

((_And why wouldn't a cat smile? Really. How silly a question._))

And so He rubs his neck idly, ignores the tingle and tickle that always comes with Head Cutting Day, and asks, "What has angered Queen this time?" (Queen is not her real name. Her real name is something normal and ordinary and it starts with an 'R', He thinks. He can't quite remember.)

He wonders if it's Croquet that's upset her. It's usually Croquet.

When it's not Stolen Tarts or White Roses, that is.

.

.

There is no other land that He knows of. To the east is Wonderland. To the west is Wonderland. Wonderland to the north and south and up in the sky and down below the water. As far as He knows, the only Land there has ever been has been Wonderland.

Oh, but wait now. "I come from England," **She** said once, and then when **She** left Him and His Riddles and His Rabbits **She** went back there.

So there is England too.

(But He doesn't know where it is if it's not to the East or the West or the North or the South or the Up or the Down; it's not beyond the White Castle. Or the Red. Or even the one of Hearts. And it's not past the sea where the Walrus and the Carpenter fished.

Or maybe it is?

He's never looked.)

.

.

England is interesting. (He's never met England, of course; he could be very dull; she could be very dry; but the _idea_ of England is interesting indeed.)

He starts to wonder what England likes. What England does. Is England anything like Him, He wonders? Does England have Queens, who cut off the heads of the people on Head Cutting Days? Does England have Cats? (Or Cheshire Cats, perhaps?) Or Hatters? Or Tea Parties? Would England like anything He had to offer?

Perhaps the Unicorn. Would England like His Unicorn?

Yes, He decides, because He wants to know and not just guess; even if it means He makes it all up. So yes, England would like His Unicorn very much.

And His Lion. And His Mockturtle and His Walrus and His White Rabbit with the pocket watch and the waistcoat and the little twitch as he cries, "I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!"

But most of all, He decides, England would like His Tea Parties.

Oh, how England would love His Tea Parties. How he would love to drink tea with the Hatter and the Hare and the Mouse; how she would love to eat little scones full of Wonderlandberries.

So He writes up an invitation -

_Dear England, friend and fellow Land that you are_

_Come around at Five in the Aftermiddayhours for Tea and Wonderlandberry scones._

_And Un-Birthday Cake. _(_Unless it's your birthday,_ He adds, in case England is unaware of the rules.)__

_- Wonderland_

- and He sends it out with the White Rabbit.

(Who gives it to the Frog Doorman - because he knows no 'England' - who gives it to the Duchess - for surely she, as important as she is, will know what an England is - who gives it to the (Cheshire) Cat, who laughs with a wide, half-moon smile and gives it to the Hatter who sticks it in his Teacup during Aftermiddayhours Tea to sweeten the taste when they run out of sugar and then forgets he put it there.)

And at Five in the Aftermiddayhours on the next Head Cutting Day, He sits at a table and pulls up a chair for His guest. He makes small talk, asks of Alice and how **She** is ("_**She** was queen here once, you know; ah, but perhaps **She** is queen in your Land?_") and asks if England likes his/her tea with one lump or ten, and perhaps just a dash of butter if he/she is feeling daring for it is nice but such a strong taste, and then stops and asks "_oh, do you like my Unicorn_?" just to be sure.

(And He keeps talking to an empty chair, answering for England and laughing at the untold jokes the other Land tells. He's a little lonely, you see, and a Make Believe England is better than a Very Real Noland.

And He never claimed not to be mad.) 

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><p><em>Here's Wonderland from Alice in Wonderland (And Through the Looking Glass; the details I took are all from Lewis Carroll's original books, not the Disney movie.) because I've always had a very strange obsession (?) with that story and anything that is a spin-off or alludes to it.<em>

_Also, the reason England is referred to as both a he and a she is because Wonderland doesn't know which he is. And I'm hoping that the way this was written gave the sense that Wonderland is a bit messed up in the head and not that I just write strangely._


End file.
